


today

by crispycrumblycrust



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Moon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 15:56:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8378317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crispycrumblycrust/pseuds/crispycrumblycrust
Summary: Something was different, this day.





	

She felt, no she was tired before she even opened her eyes. Even if she was certain she’d slept a good few hours –- for once. 

The sun shone through the curtains, having chased away the night.

A hazy dream too. Not familiar –- not gunfire, fire spreading everywhere, her trying to reach her mother, her brother, her kin, but never feeling anything tangible, but heavy armour pressed against her.

But not too unfamiliar either. She didn’t remember much this time, just darkness that sprouted around her until she seemed to have darkened too.

She shook her head. She shouldn’t dwell too much. Wouldn’t want Gentiana to chide her again –- telling her in that soft, but never quite gentle, voice that she was prone to daydream, to ponder.

She decided to heed her words and prepared for her day.

-

She should have known something was wrong when she couldn't find Gentiana. She passed other residents –- hired hands –- exchanging greetings, but not the one she was searching for.

She passed the gardener on the first round. He always greeted with a large grin and a wave, and she couldn’t not smile back at him. 

Except this time. She tensed when he came closer. “You shouldn’t go out today.” The words whispered, unlike the usual no indoor voice. He didn’t elaborate, and she didn’t ask, just nodded.

-

She found her after making two rounds. She saw the gardener again, but he had yet to see her. She stopped and traced her steps back. He was carrying bags. She wondered what was in it. 

She jumped when someone tapped her shoulder. She thought of heavy armour and an arm turning her around and a glove slapping her hard, so hard that she fell.

But it was only the head butler, a kind –- too kind –- elderly woman. If she could ask someone, it was her, but even with her, she hesitated. 

She may be blind to many things, but even she saw that there was something, some sort of wall between Gentiana and the rest.

-

Gentiana seemed even paler, and lost in thoughts. Though this by no means meant any cause for concern, it did take Gentiana several minutes before she noticed her –- still so much quicker than how long it took her to finally find her. Gentiana always was the more observant one.

It took considerable self control to not frown when she turned to her and smiled. That kind of smile –- that and nothing else.

She decided to take the long way back, opening the doors to the gardens. She almost felt back for ignoring the gardener’s words, but he was not outside now. 

Gentiana followed, always a few steps behind her. She had this urge to hold her hand, to lead her away, perhaps even away from whatever it was that was bothering her. If she thought that smile would refrain her from asking –- worrying –- she was wrong. It might work on anybody else, but not on her.

So many times her mother had crouched, caressed her cheek and then lead her by the hand, away from darkness and into the light. But this wasn’t her, this was Gentiana. 

The sun was hiding behind countless of clouds.

She shivered when the wind hit her –- it wasn’t cold, not even chilly.

The grass, the flowers didn’t seem to flutter even when there was a breeze. The birds weren’t chirping.

But she turned her gaze away, and to her, Gentiana had already anticipated her. She could only close her mouth and listen to her listing today’s activities, reminding her, every day again. 

She stared, and yes, Gentiana was pale. Paler than usual. 

When she resumed her walk, she noticed her steps seemed...stiff. Was she in pain?

“Oujo-sama?”

“Ah, sorry.” And then that smile did soften a bit, and she almost forgot what she had seen.

-  
She almost forgot, so focused on her study.

But then the doors opened, and she didn’t see Gentiana carrying the trays, but the cook –- such a sweet man, he tried so very hard, conveying his kindness with delicious recipes where his words and actions couldn’t. But even the sight of gorgeously decorated dishes didn’t awake her appetite. Today even more so.

She hadn’t seen Gentiana after she left her again when they returned to the library. Though often Gentiana lingered nearby, sometimes she did leave to do...whatever it was she did. She always returned soon.

It had been hours, she now realised.

She ignored the urge to ask, merely smiling as she met his gaze, nodded and watched his retreating back.  
It was likely nothing, she thought as she reached for a sandwich. 

Yes, it was nothing.

-

The sinking feeling in her stomach returned when Gentiana almost forgot about their afternoon tea. Not like Gentiana to not be punctual.

She was about to stand and look for her – again – and this time asking anyone she met for help.

She set the tray down, and she thought the china clinked. But when she watched closer, nothing seemed amiss. But still...

“Come have tea with me, Gentiana.” She wondered if she went too far this time. Asked without thinking of the consequences.

But Gentiana surprised her. 

She didn’t know whether to be alarmed that Gentiana gave in so easily, or perhaps that they had finally reached a point she could ask something, and Gentiana would answer. Or perhaps she was just humouring her. Or perhaps something ominous was happening – this rarely happened.

So...she focused on the tea.

She sat beside her, yet seemed so far away. Their fingers didn’t touch when she offered the cup to her.

“Careful-” As if it was nothing. But it was hot, she could see steam rising and could feel the heat even from the handle.

She sipped without actually tasting, swallowing too soon – did she burn her tongue, would it burn her throat?

She focused on her lips before she realised she was staring – again – and glanced away in silence. 

As expected, Gentiana didn’t linger long. She wished she could do anything, prolong this until dinner, but how one enjoy drinking cold tea?

So, she could only watch as Gentiana collected everything and left her alone. 

She didn’t come back.

-  
She knew now, there was something wrong. 

Gentiana wasn’t here. She always joined her for dinner. This time, she could barely even glance at the dishes left in front of her. Her appetite had long since left her. 

Twilight already passed when she began her search and glanced outside. Red seemed to have mingled with the usual orange and yellow. It could be her imagination though. She didn’t pass anyone – would have asked them to glance outside and tell her what they saw. 

She still stopped, even if a part of her nudged at her not to, to keep walking, to run away from this and not look back. The sky should never be this shade of red too, it was wrong. It reminded her too much of blood and injuries and sacrifices. Though this wasn’t the first time the sky showed this mysterious tinge, it didn’t happen often either.

She shook her head and continued. She refused to dwell again on this when she had far more pressing matters. If Gentiana was here, she would glance at her and raise her eyebrow and wait until she sighed and reset her thoughts. But she wasn’t here.

She almost didn’t see her at first, shrouded by darkness so very easily. If she didn’t know better, would had think she had come across a statue – sculpted and pale - but when she peered closer, she noticed she was hunched forward, hand resting against the wall. She never showed anything but proper posture, and expected the same from her, from anyone actually.

“Gentiana?” Nothing changed, as if she hadn’t heard her, she who always was mindful of her surroundings. 

She didn’t know what to do. Yes, Gentiana had moments she would stare out the window, would stare at the moon, or the sun, or just peering at the sky. She had moments she would grab a tome and would be immersed in it. But this, this was something else entirely. She almost didn’t want to come closer, lest she did something wrong. Moments like these reminded her just how...complicated this, Gentiana, everything was.

But she must. 

She steeled herself and moved forward, ignoring how her body twitched with each step.

She finally noticed her – her body tensing, her hand almost slipping - but didn’t turn to her.

“Oujo-sama.” She grit her teeth. No, not like this. She saw her straightening, even if it took so much effort. Would she pretend again? 

“Gentiana.” She might had twitched, but she saw determination clearly on her face, so pale. As if she wouldn’t even allow her to come closer. As if she didn’t want her to return the favours. Of the nights she would wake, memories soaked in blood and screams and tears, or when she stepped closer to her and lay a hand on her arm to stop her from doing anything rash, or when she patiently taught and explained until even she finally understood the learning material.

“I’m not leaving.” She moved, but it was awkward, stiff, and she stumbled – she never stumbled. 

She propelled forward before she even realised what she was doing, and caught her before she hit the ground and injured herself. 

She didn’t know who was more shocked, even seeing her face this close she still couldn't figure out what she was thinking. 

She tried to tug away, always the first to recover. She wondered if she was trying to push away from her or something, someone else. 

But the hand pushing against her was weak, and now she did look surprised and showed perhaps even a bit of panic – it was all wrong, Gentiana never panicked. She was the one who calmed her, resting her hand on her shoulder or remaining close by her. Her presence alone calmed her, every time again.

She reached again. But not to her. She followed her gaze and noticed that it was already dark outside. Again she thought she saw glimpses of red among black. It must be this vantage point. It couldn’t possible be...

“Do you...” Did she want to go outside? She didn’t know. She remembered how she used to like the fresh air after many hours stuck inside. But Gentiana was not like her.

She didn’t answer, eyes only focused on the windows.

She didn’t know know what to do, what to say, so she positioned them a bit better on the ground – her legs were beginning to strain, even if the weight resting against her was lighter than expected, almost ethereal. She could flutter away at any moment, the same way she had appeared one day and since then never truly left her side – until now.

So ironic, since she was here, she had helped her in so many ways, but now that Gentiana needed help, she was unable to do anything. She felt even more a coward, not even able to simply ask.

She waited, biting her lips. Her eyes were beginning to sting. 

She clutched at her now, breathing loudly. 

“Gentiana, please...” But she didn’t answer. Her eyes shut.

She rest her fingers on her wrist, feeling an erratic heartbeat, too wild. Gentiana was mumbling now, but she didn't understand a word - spoken too quietly, or perhaps in another language, foreign or dead.

She wondered if praying might help, perhaps to the Goddess. But then she thought of death and life and afterlife and how Gentiana always stiffened and glanced away whenever she mentioned her. Another mystery atop a large pile.

So, she dabbed at the sweat covering her face. She was cold to the touch, unlike warm fingers that clasped her hand sometimes during private moments.

She didn’t know how many minutes passed. 

Her fingers shook as she touched a pale – too pale - cheek as gently as possible. She didn’t feel so cold, but still clammy. She had stopped murmuring and some tenseness seemed to have escaped her body. She wondered if she had fallen asleep, if not for the deep frown and the occasional twitch of the lips.

She sighed. Whatever was happening, the worst seemed to have passed.

She vowed to never see this, never be this helpless again. If Gentiana would pretend nothing had happened the next day, she would research herself.

Perhaps another companion may help. A cat perhaps, or a dog.

A hand rest atop hers and she met her gaze before Gentiana closed her eyes again and sighed.

She wasn’t tired, not anymore, but seeing her like this made her yawn. Almost.

She weaved her hand with hers and squeezed.

She fell asleep soon after.

**Author's Note:**

> What if Gentiana is connected to the moon?
> 
> (what if she is the moon?)


End file.
